Tournament Time Again

So I am going to start this blog in the middle of things instead of at the beginning and I will go back later. So the card game I play semi-professionally is Magic the Gathering. I play others but this is the one I have found to be the most profitable for me financially and socially.
Tomorrow is time for another tournament. I have stressed about it for a month or so but now, the night before, I am stress free. There is a point where you just have to trust the testing you have done and past decisions you have made and just realize you are going to wake up and go play the best you can and the let the chips fall as they may. I have had some success in the past few big tournaments but still have not breached the top eight of any of them yet. I have watched my a couple members of my test group break through and get close to winning the whole thing and I have not felt anything but happy for them and proud of their accomplishments. But still in the back of my mind I wonder when it will be my chance.
I have been playing at the shop since the beginning. I used to get nervous and anxious before tournaments but now I just feel focused as I have been to so many of them. I need to keep winning to justify continuing to play this game that I love. There is a lot of pressure on me in particular because I have a full time job, going to school full time, and am a husband and father. I show up at these tournaments and I always feel like the underdog because I know that most everybody there has more time to spend on this game than I. So in that way I do not deserve to win but I cant help but feel like Charlie Bucket. Statistically I don't have the best chance of winning by a long shot but I work so hard and want it so bad that I feel like one day I may open up my candy bar to see that sweet glimmer of gold. I have not been this good at any of my hobbies in my whole life. I have been within grasp of being flown to exotic countries across the world and paid to play cards but I have fallen short every time.
However, at 11:00 the night before I a have found some tranquility again. Even when I lose I try to look at the positive of a tournament and try to see the glass half full. It's time to sleep because I have to wake up early, do last minute prep on my deck and meet the Corn Palace (team name) at the Harmon's parking for another long day of slinging cardboard.